Questions, questions

Given that a remarkably large percentage of our social interactions take place on social networks and other virtual spaces that offer a limited amount of privacy, steering away from all things political is quite a conundrum. Re-blogging a quote on Tumblr, bragging about a purchase from a certain company on Facebook, following a celebrity on Twitter – all of these actions are interpreted as reflecting some sort of social commentary or vaguely political choices. While all of this is consensual since none of us are being forced to establish online presence, it opens up the vast majority of our actions to a spectrum of (mis)interpretations.  It is interesting to look into the kind of questions and comments that are prompted by the use of the word “feminism” and generally explicit statements about gender equality in this particular context.

In my personal experience, one of the most common reactions is a slew of, private or public, questions about personal experiences related to issues that feminism is seen to be dealing with. Some examples include the following:

 “What is your worst experience as a woman studying in a male dominated field?”

“Have you ever been openly discriminated against at work?”

“Do you get cat-called a lot?”

“Do you often feel unsafe at night?”

“Do you personally know a lot of girls that have been assaulted by men?”

To some extent, one could argue that there is nothing particularly problematic about this approach to understanding one’s involvement with the feminist movement. If two people are discussing a certain issue, the one that has had some experience with that issue is likely to have more insight into its nature. This is often a prominent factor in discussions of gender related issues since different genders often do experience different treatments and therefore cannot have perfect knowledge about the experiences of one another. One of the most prominent characteristics of any kind of privilege is the fact that those that are privileged are almost by default unaware of it. Coming from such a perspective, inquiring about the experiences of the member of potentially marginalized groups should largely be expected and definitely should not be discouraged.

At the same time, the issue of what kinds of questions are appropriate and, more importantly, productive is one that needs to be addressed.  The questions I have listed above are all focused on rather negative and subjective experiences. While these questions are in no way irrelevant for feminist discourse, it is not obvious why they would be a more natural choice for opening a discussion of one’s views on gender equality than asking something along the lines of “Why do you think feminism is important?” or “What kind of observations motivate your involvement with the feminist movement?”.

In fact, building an argument based on answers to any of these questions seems rather faulty. While a person that has been assaulted or discriminated against because of their gender might have insights that one that has not been in that situation is clearly lacking, they are also significantly more likely to view the situation in a highly emotional rather than a rational way. Consequently, their subsequent socio-political views are likely to be heavily skewed due to their personal trauma. If a friend tells me one of our acquaintances is a horrible person but I know that the two have previously engaged in conflict that ended up hurting my friend in some way, I am likely to be anxious around this third person but also more than aware of the fact that my friend is not being fully objective and that this acquaintance might actually have all kinds of good things going for them. Assuming that someone is interested in gender equality because they have had a personally bad experience, similarly offers unreliable information about the actual nature of gender related issues. For exactly this reason, these questions seem to be a very inefficient way of gauging someone’s take on feminism.

Moreover, these questions often seem to be a first step towards discrediting one’s opinions related to issues of feminism and gender equality. In a culture that already teaches men and women from a young age that women are “crazy” and “overly emotional” or “less rational” a woman that has had a bad experience because of her gender and is at the same time devoted to gender equality is almost immediately dismissed as someone that just cannot be taken seriously. All subsequent arguments are marked as being due to “overreacting” and what is often referred to as typical mind fallacy or the belief that a single example can be generalized to all members of the relevant group.

At the same time, even if one assumes that most feminists are primarily motivated by being personally hurt or angry, the previously presented list of questions refers to a very narrow range of events that can cause this anger. To some extent, even the last two questions can be dismissed as somewhat irrelevant. Catcalling is often claimed to have nothing to do with gender equality and rape culture – it is just a clumsy attempt at compliments. Feeling unsafe is similarly presented as not being a gendered phenomenon – anyone can get raped if they walk alone at night. Unless the event that is being discussed as the cause of one’s involvement with the feminist movement is objectively horrible, it is generally not difficult to construct a narrative that explains the proposed problem away and comes back to overreacting.

The issue of what sort of gendered phenomena one can be upset about is directly related to the way in which we think of inequality or manifestations of patriarchy. It is often claimed that the patriarchy is an irrelevant term since men do not hold all positions of power anymore and men and women are equal according to the laws of most western countries. In reality, this claim is true only if one assumes that the patriarchy is a purely legal entity with no effect on our culture. Popular culture lags behind legislature and harmful stereotypes and marginalizing behaviors remain intact even when there are no legal obstacles to achieving true gender equality.

Accordingly, when questioned about my experiences as a woman and the way in which they relate to me identifying as a feminist I am inclined to say “I have never been assaulted or marginalized at work but I have watched a lot of movies and flipped through a lot of magazines.” Unfortunately, an answer of that sort often leads to the discussion of female overreacting outlined above. Pointing out objectification in music videos, movies or magazines typically becomes a matter of shifting the blame and questioning agency since, to some extent, expressing the fact that one is offended is often a choice. This kind of discourse is neatly summarized on the “Feminist Killjoy” t-shirts since the implication generally tends to be that feminists choose to be offended by popular culture and “fun things” because of some false narrative they have constructed for themselves. It is more than ironic that one can simultaneously claim that we have achieved full gender equality while at the same time deciding on what exactly is it that one of the genders is allowed to criticize or find problematic. Asking questions about one’s personal experiences and focusing on the glaringly obvious, macroscopic forms of discrimination and inequality establishes exactly this kind of hierarchy of phenomena that are “really bothersome” and those that should really be dismissed on grounds of knowing what “women and feminists are like”.

Finally, while there is no doubt about the importance of dialogue, the emphasis should really be not on just asking questions but rather on asking them productively. Questions that involve a minimal number of assumptions and that are not dependent on highly subjective views of whatever issue is being discussed strike me as the ones we should all be asking once confronted with someone whose opinions might differ from our own. Most of the questions listed above are nothing but implicit statements about the nature of the feminist movement and consequently far from being productive. Facebook comments can definitely be put to better use.